ENM and Polyamorous Relationship Therapy in Vancouver
Individual and relationship therapy for ethically non-monogamous, polyamorous, and open relationships with phil di loreto, RCC. Affirming of all non-traditional relationship structures. In-person in Vancouver, telehealth across British Columbia and Ontario.
Ethically non-monogamous relationships can come with their own unique challenges.
They can require a specific kind of navigation: more explicit communication, more intentional agreements, often more capacity to sit with uncertainty and complexity at the same time.
Not treating ethical non-monogamy (ENM) as a symptom to manage, but by taking it as the context, and working on whatever is actually happening inside it. phil di Loreto, RCC, offers individual and relationship therapy specifically for people in ENM relationships. He brings a strong understanding of diverse relationship structures and lived experience, so you don't need to spend your session explaining the basics of how your relationships work.
Therapy can help with…
Designing Your Unique Relationship
Ethical non-monogamy is a broad term that covers a wide variety of relationship structures: polyamory, open relationships, relationship anarchy, hierarchical and non-hierarchical configurations, solo polyamory, kitchen table and parallel approaches, throuples, polycules, and everything that does not fit neatly into any of those categories. The relationship and couples therapy that phil offers can support each of these structures.
Research has debunked the myth that “open relationships” are less successful than monogamous relationships. Anyone can live truly fulfilling lives within ENM relationships. Many of the ingredients of what makes these relationships healthy are similar to monogamous relationships; however, they take a different shape and understanding. Many of us weren’t socialized into these structures, we have very few role models to demonstrate “what good looks like”, and we often have to live with the stigma of non-monogamy. This unique set of challenges reinforces why it’s so important to intentionally design your relationship through healthy dialogue and consistently fostering the emotional security of your relationship.
In this work, phil meets you exactly where you are, to be your fellow traveller as you navigate the uncertainty and struggles of your unique relationship, and the figure out the building blocks you need to thrive.
What Brings People Here
Moving through the paradigm shift from monogamy to non-monogamy, shifting structures, renegotiating what’s working and what’s not. Agreements that made sense at the start and no longer fit.
Navigating new agreements
A breach of trust. A boundary that got crossed. A situation where everyone was doing their best and it still went badly. Working through what happened without losing the relationship or yourself in the process.
When something goes wrong
Jealousy, insecurity and introducing compersion
The feelings that show up even in relationships that are otherwise going well. Understanding where these insecurities stem from and how you can support yourself and your partner. Learning about compersion and a new way of expressing love.
Communication and hard conversations
Saying what you need. Hearing what your partner needs. The conversations that feel too risky to have and what gets in the way of having them.
Figuring out how ENM fits into the rest of who you are. Navigating disclosure with family, colleagues, or communities where it’s not normalized. Finding or losing a sense of belonging.
Identity and community
The grief that can come with multiple relationships
When a relationship changes shape, or ends, or when a polycule shifts. Losses that are real but not always recognized.
Individual Therapy for People in ENM Relationships
A lot of people come to ENM therapy alone, not because there is a crisis in the relationship, but because they want to do better inside it.
Individual sessions can focus on understanding your own patterns: what you bring to relationships, where you tend to get stuck, what your nervous system is doing when things get hard, and how to build the self-awareness that makes all of this easier.
Phil draws from Internal Family Systems (IFS), Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) in this work. The specific approach depends on what is most useful for you and what you’re working on.
Couples & Relationship Therapy for ENM Relationships
Relationship therapy at Here We Are Therapy is available for two partners, or can be adapted for throuples, polycules and additional configurations where having everyone in the room makes sense.
The structure for relationship therapy: an initial session with all partners, followed by one individual session per individual, then ongoing sessions together. This approach gives phil a grounded understanding of each person's experience before the relational work begins.
phil uses Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) as the foundation for couples and relationship work. Both are adapted to fit your specific structure, identities, and context. The EFT model in particular is well-suited to ENM relationships because it works at the level of underlying emotional needs and attachment patterns, which are often what the surface-level agreements are actually about.
Why It Matters Who You See
As an ENM-affirming therapist, phil understands the landscape: the specific dynamics that show up in ENM relationships, the community context, and the difference between a relationship structure issue and a relational issue that would exist in any structure.
phil brings lived community familiarity to this work alongside his clinical training. You do not arrive needing to educate him. You get to show up authentically, without the worry of judgment or needing to educate your therapist.
phil holds a Master of Counselling from City University of Seattle and is a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors.
Common Questions
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No. Individual therapy for people in ENM relationships is just as common as relationship therapy. You can start individual therapy regardless of whether your partners are interested in attending. Relationship therapy is available when all partners want to participate. This could include one specific dyad with a polycule or multiple members of a polycule or throuple.
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Yes. The structure of therapy is flexible. Sessions are adapted to your actual configuration, not a hierarchical default.
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This is very common and can be worked with directly in therapy. One partner having more experience, or more comfort, with non-monogamy than another is often part of what brings people in.
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No. phil works with people across a range of identities and orientations. The practice has a specific focus on queer and LGBTQ2+ communities, and many people in ENM relationships also identify within those communities, but this page and this work is open to anyone regardless of identity.
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As a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC), phil's services are covered by many extended health benefit plans. Coverage varies by provider and plan. We recommend checking your policy directly.
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Yes. Virtual sessions are available across British Columbia and Ontario for clients who prefer to work remotely or makes therapy more accessible to them.
Check out our FAQ for more info!
When you’re ready, support is here.
Phil di Loreto, RCC, is currently accepting new individual and relationship therapy clients in Vancouver, with telehealth available across BC and Ontario. The first step is a free 20-minute consultation to talk through your unique situation and whether working together is the right next step.
Here We Are Therapy serves clients across Vancouver including the West End, Kitsilano, and Commercial Drive.